My name is Jen and this is my second birth story, a triumphant and ecstatic homebirth VBAC!

Baby Trevor was born at home in September, weighing 7 lbs 7 oz (same as his brother and same as me) and 20 inches long.

Setting the scene

It was a sunny and breezy September day. I was wearing bike shorts and a cozy sweater – as labor progressed, it was really interesting that the weather also changed, the sun died down a little bit and the wind picked up. I found myself loving being upstairs in the playroom on the floor cushions with the windows wide open to really feel the wind from the top floor of our house. The wind felt incredible in between contractions. Sometimes it felt too cold, but my weighted blanket always feels so good when I am cold and my husband Tim wrapped it around me. That blanket felt so good when things were getting intense. It helped to relax me during breaks.

Birth attendants

Sarah and Charli of Hearth and Home Midwifery were my midwives – Natalie Broders was my doula. I distinctly remember when Tim called Natalie…things were starting to feel stronger and I thought it may be a good idea for him to call her and get her opinion on where I was at. She did 2 contractions with me on the phone and she said “We are going to say yes to this one” Ill never forget how that made me feel. I felt like ‘Ok, I can do this, I am doing this, I am safe and saying yes.’ It was that moment that I knew it was time for her to be present!

Early labor

I was totally convinced we would have an October baby. My EDD was Oct 2 based on my LMP. Trevor’s brother, Teddy, was ultimately born at 41 + 6, so when dull cramps began about an hour or 2 apart Monday mid morning, 9/25 at 39 weeks, I was curious if I was going to be in for a long ride with prodromal labor. They woke me up a few times in the night, but I was able to fall back into an incredibly deep sleep, which looking back in hindsight, I am so thankful my body gave me that rest.

Tuesday morning when I woke up, they were still coming, still so dull, but with more frequency…every 20-30 minutes at this point. I decided to wake up and just carry on with my morning with my toddler and ignore them…convinced it was prodromal. Although, I did send an email to my midwives and a text to my doula, Natalie. Just giving them a heads up that maybe some prodromal stuff was happening. I wanted some tips on maybe what to do or look for. Charli, my midwife, emailed back and said that usually bloody show/mucus/water is the difference between prodromal and early labor, so I was keeping an eye out for any of that.

I took Teddy to his gymnastics class at Trampoline Town and saw a bunch of my mom friends and sister in law which looking back in hindsight kept my endorphins up. Chatting with my mom friends, I was laughing and keeping my spirits up – all recipes for labor to continue to grow and get bigger 🙂 I kept looking at the clock during class and realized the dull cramping was growing closer together and becoming a tad more difficult to ignore. My original plan was not to even share with anyone what was going on, but i found myself saying out loud toward the end of class, “I think something may be happening.” When Teddy asked to leave 5 min early, I was all about it, figuring maybe I should be at home and resting at this point. My friend Hanna asked if I wanted to join her and her son at another play group as we were leaving Trampoline Town, but I declined. She later told me she saw my face as we were saying bye and thought maybe labor really was starting. I had another conversation with my sister in law as they were leaving because Teddy and I were still parked because I realized I was breathing through the cramps, and they were no longer dull. I was still telling myself this had to just be prodromal stuff.

I finally pulled out and drove the 15ish min back home breathing through the cramps the whole way. I didn’t even turn on music for Teddy, I had really started to focus, which should have told me something haha! I remember looking in the rear-view mirror at one point and Teddy was breathing with me. It was super cute. We stopped off for a coffee at a drive thru and I texted Tim saying maybe if he could come home a little early, it would probably be a good idea.

“I really downplayed it because we were studying the Bradley method and my focus was on relaxation and you can’t relax if you’re focused on what’s coming next, so was trying to really stay in the moment.”

-Tim, Jen’s husband

We were both definitely in denial. We were both preparing mentally and physically for a labor that would take days and days. We had talked extensively during pregnancy that we would ignore any and all early labor things and work to maintain a relaxed and happy state. When Tim got home from work around noon I think, I went back to our room and just rested and worked through what I still thought was prodromal labor.

Early labor felt like dull cramps only under my belly button.

Active labor

We decided to email Charli again around 130ish and that’s when she called and we decided to get Teddy picked up by his grandparents. Teddy’s grandpa picked him up I think around 245, and that’s when things really ramped up and we thought maybe we should call Natalie! Natalie showed up around 4 and contractions definitely became intense, but I just still wasn’t believing it to be the real thing!

Active labor felt like charlie horse level cramps waving up and down my uterus and around my hips.

Counter pressure felt absolutely amazing during each active labor contraction. It did not make the pain diminish, it more gave me distraction to it. The harder Natalie and Tim pushed on my hips, the more … mental relief i felt. I think mental relief is an important goal during labor because if you can relieve your mental state of any distressing thoughts, you allow more space for your primal brain to really take center stage. I thought it was interesting…

My contractions were double peaking and not leaving much room for breaks when I became active.

The breaks were so heavenly, and I found myself either wanting to just lay still with my eyes closed wrapped in the weighted blanket or moving hastily to another room in the house or a new position before the next one started. I made these decisions and choices throughout active labor without even thinking.

I was on auto-pilot for a lot of the active labor hours (about 3 pm-730 pm). They did feel as expected because I had felt them before.

Transition and the self-doubt signpost

I later asked my midwife Charli if she knew I was in transition when they arrived initially at our house – she said she had a feeling because of ‘the look in my eyes.’ I do believe my brain achieved the primal state – there were times my thinking brain tried to barge in and I had a few moments of ‘I really don’t think I can do this, wow, this is super painful/intense/kind of scary feeling’

Transition was not as painful as I was expecting – I think the worst part about transition was the lack of breaks and the double peaks – it was all manageable with the support of my incredible doula and my husband.

I had been told by various mom friends that transition felt like swords and meat grinders – none of which I felt, but that’s what I was expecting. I truly believe who you surround yourself with affects the physical sensations. If you are comfortable and supported by providers that know you and you know, the pain truly does diminish – it doesn’t go away, but it definitely doesn’t feel like swords and meat grinders.

Lots of thoughts passed through my head – mainly thoughts of safety and comfort. I felt so comfortable with the people present during birth and that allowed me to act completely primal and just…natural. I had thoughts of doubt creep in quite a few times and thoughts full of worry that things were not progressing normally. Natalie kept telling me that everything was happening exactly as it should – and every time she said that, my body went limp calm – it was wonderful and so supportive/helpful.

Pushing

Pushing was a new sensation for me and it felt really big and overwhelming when I first came into the sensations. There was a point where I did say ‘Ok, I’m good with how much I have accomplished at home, let’s get outta here!’ Again, those thoughts were quieted because of the love and support that surrounded me. The people at my birth all truly believed in me and there is a lot of power in that.

Pushing was a huge sensation. The coolest part of my birth was experiencing the ‘pause.’ After transition and before pushing, while in the tub, everything kind of came to a halt. I was always so curious about what pushing contractions would feel like – I didn’t get to the pushing stage with my first birth.

I kept thinking something was wrong, but everyone reassured me that everything was perfect and to just soak up the rest time. It is amazing that the body gives you this time to rest because what’s to come is huge.

I was hesitant to push and definitely wasn’t giving it my all until the team moved me to the toilet and put my knees together and heels out. Sarah gave me her pep talk and I had to make the choice to go deep, real deep. Deeper into my soul then I have ever gone before in my entire life and when I felt what was coming, which was Trevor’s head, it truly felt like a small bowling ball coming out of me, and I knew it was going to take everything in me to push it out.

Pushing hurt and felt really good – both sensations at the same time. I knew when his head was out and his body was in because that’s when the oxytocin just started coursing through my body and it felt like I was crash landing back to planet Earth from the stars. It was such an out of body experience. I almost felt like I was out of my body because it was so primal. It was ecstatic, and while I wasn’t having an orgasm, I understand the term orgasmic birth now.

Once I felt the weight and shape of his head coming under my pubic bone, I think I pushed two more times during two different contractions to birth the head, then one more to birth the body. Birthing his body didn’t hurt at all or even feel like a big sensation. It was all adrenaline and oxytocin at that point. It was incredible.

During pushing, I cant remember exactly what Sarah said to me, but it was something encouraging about how what I was doing was so courageous. I felt so seen and supported in that moment. It was so unbelievably beautiful. Ill never forget it. It got me over the mountain that was holding me back. The mountain of doubt wondering if I could really push my baby out of my body.

I think it was less than 10 minutes after she told me that, my baby was born. I had done it!

My husband caught our son and passed him to me in between my legs! I just remember pulling Trevor up to my chest – I didn’t realize who had passed him to me at the time. I remember kissing him and seeing his face just in awe and wonder. I remember Charli telling me ‘You did it!’ and I just remember everyone was smiling.

“The high points were watching our sons head come out of her body and witnessing/holding space for Jen to really dig deep and find her capability, it was so beautiful. I’ll never forget passing him through Jen’s legs, and catching him was enthralling!

-Tim, Jen’s husband

I remember thinking my placenta looked really ‘cute’ and I am pretty sure I said that out loud, too! It just looked different than Teddy’s, a little smaller and just a perfectly round little circle and well..cute!

Meeting baby Trevor

I said “He feels exactly how I knew he would feel in my arms” because he did! I had been dreaming about that moment for a long time and how he would physically feel in my arms, and it was exactly as I imagined. It was actually quite trippy, but so incredible. I also said “This is how birth is supposed to be” Because my birth truly is how I wish every woman could experience birth. I felt like a goddess the entire time. I felt loved and supported by a team that truly believed in me and my power. It was completely out of this world and when Trevor was here and born, I felt ecstatic.

My immediate feeling was, “This is how birth is supposed to be” and I truly felt like a goddess. I remember reading in a birth book something along the lines of, ‘If a laboring woman doesn’t look and feel like a goddess during birth, something is wrong.’ I couldn’t agree more. I was instantly in love with baby Trevor, I will never forget the feeling of his little squishy, warm body in my arms. I couldn’t believe labor was over and I had done it! I had birthed my baby at home! My triumphant homebirth VBAC was all mine and nobody could take what had just gone down away from me.

The best part

The best part of my birth experience was that it happened in my home with my husband and incredible birth team. I was in my own bed after Trevor was born. Oxytocin was able to flow and stay high because I was home and with people I knew and that knew me and believed in my homebirth VBAC. There were no strangers.

Sarah, one of my midwives, was the first person to palpate my baby in first trimester – she told me she could feel my baby..at like 8 or 9 weeks pregnant and then she was at my birth performing his newborn exam. I can’t begin to describe what that kind of continuity of care is like throughout a pregnancy, there are truly no words to describe the level of trust you build with your birth team when you begin care at 6 weeks of pregnancy! During our consult, I think I was like barely 5 weeks along

I also thought the pause before pushing was a pretty cool part of the experience. Even though, in the moment, I felt like something was wrong – looking back, it was a very cool transitional period from dilation contractions to pushing contractions.

I learned there is a powerful force of strength within me that I have access to if I find myself in a life situation that feels impossible to get out of or move through. This experience reminded me I have a body I can trust and when I let go of the control and open the trust, it will reward me!

Birth team selection

The most important thing I did to prepare for labor and birth was to be ultra selective in my midwives and doula. I came across Hearth and Home Midwifery in April, 2020 while living in Seattle preparing for my first birth. Their podcast showed up on my ‘Similar to what you listen to’ playlist or something like that, and I began listening to all of their episodes and found myself wishing we lived in Portland so they could be my midwives. I loved how supportive they were of homebirth VBAC…even before I knew I would ever have one! Teddy was a planned homebirth, and let’s just say…not all homebirth midwives are created equal! The second time around, I knew the team I would select would be the best of the best. Fast forward to 2021 in the summer, and Tim’s job transferred to Clackamas, and we relocated to Portland. Tim is also from the area, so there were lots of things that made sense about the move. I always had Hearth and Home in the back of my mind, but we were nowhere near ready for baby #2. Fast forward to 2023, and finding out in January that we were having our second baby, I emailed Hearth and Home…pretty sure we contacted them before we shared with family and friends! I had a consult with Sarah and felt like I was meeting my birth hero! She was so supportive of a homebirth VBAC and she told me how excited she was about it – it felt so genuine, authentic… it’s how every visit with the midwives of Hearth and Home felt like.

The team surrounding you during your labor is just as important as birth prep – you can do all the prep in the world, but if your team isn’t composed of providers that know you, care for you, believe in you, and that you trust…. that prep doesn’t mean much. Your birth team contributes to an ecstatic birth! Labor doesn’t take from you more than you can handle – when I look back, I think to myself, ‘Whew, I don’t think I had one more push in me, or one more contraction,’ and guess what? I didn’t have to push one more time or have one more contraction! Your body knows your limits, trust it, let it work it’s magic. Birth is magical! Stamina is so important and I will forever be thankful that I ignored all early labor during the night on Monday night into Tuesday and actually got some deep sleep. I needed every minute of that rest! Labor is a positive loop that continues to grow and get bigger. Endorphins and oxytocin lead to the positive loop cycle. Pick a team that when they show up… they also contribute to that positive loop cycle! Your birth team matters!!!

Preparing for birth

I listened to tons of birth stories to prepare myself mentally for birth. I read Mindful Birth, by Nancy Bardecke – well, I actually listened to it on audiobook in my first trimester and that really helped set the stage for me practicing breathwork and paying attention to my breath and honing in on the idea that I can always come back to breath – that it will always be there for me.

I walked a lot by myself, listening to empowering women talk about birth – I cant remember her name, but the author of Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering really spoke to me. She had a few podcast interviews where she talked about labor as this orchestra that gets bigger. I loved that idea and really honed in on that during my labor.

It was all growing and getting bigger – that is labor, and to get excited for that, not run from it. I think these ideas helped me get through transition level contractions without knowing I was in transition.

My husband and I read The Bradley Method book that Natalie lent us and that was super helpful in preparing us for the long haul, so when it was much shorter, we could be pleasantly surprised. We also loved that book because the main premise was the idea of relaxation, which is really hard to do during transition level contractions, but my husband was super calm during the entire labor and that really helped ground me, even if i wants necessarily acting that way.

I also went to prenatal yoga classes consistently twice a week. Being around other pregnant mamas really helped to build up my endorphins and a consistent reminder that I wasn’t ever alone in this journey!

During my second trimester, my doula Natalie came to our house and we did a fear releasing exercise. I talked to her about my fears – of pushing, of tearing, of transfer – and we talked about the best possible scenario for each of my fears, and then we burned the fears. It was vulnerable and highly effective. It was also a great way to trust Natalie, get to know her and for her to get to know me. All recipes for a great support person in labor!

I was pregnant as the same time as a good friend of mine here in Portland, and we put together a Mama’s Well Wishes Ceremony – we did the same fear releasing exercise that Natalie and I did – we used sage, we read poetry, we shared well wishes for the pregnant mamas for labor! It was powerful, meaningful, and fun!

Humorous moments during labor

My husband says he thought it was funny that I kept telling him to push harder on my hips for the counter pressure – him and Natalie said they were pushing with all their might 🙂 Looking back in hindsight – I thought it was pretty funny how every time I wanted to change rooms or positions, I asked Natalie and Tim to bring all my favorite things behind me – weighted blanket, all the floor cushions, and I’m sure Natalie had to bring all her equipment from room to room – at one point I told everyone I was cool with the progress I had made and was ready for some drugs, and Tim just straight up said ‘Nah’ or something along those lines.

“I felt empathy for what she was going through because it was difficult and also there is a level of uncertainty because you don’t know if it’s going to be 2 hours or 24 hours left for her.”

-Tim, Jen’s husband

I also think it’s hilarious that I took Teddy to gymnastics while clearly in early labor moving into active labor. Natalie said something funny when I texted her that morning – I had told her I was going to just ignore everything and still take Teddy to Trampoline Town, and she wrote back and goes ‘Are you getting on the trampoline?’ hahaha! I did not get on the trampoline 🙂 I was really nervous about calling my team over too early and kept saying to myself – ‘Its way too early for the midwives to be coming over.’ They showed up at 530, and Trev was born at 7:37, it definitely wasn’t too early 🙂

Total time in labor

This is a tough question to answer! I think I was in early labor for about a day and a half. I don’t consider myself ‘laboring’ until about 1 pm on 9/26. That’s when I really had to lay down and not be around my toddler and begin to kind of really focus. Charli and I talked on the phone around 2 pm and Teddy was still in the background. We all decided that the next steps were going to be to get Teddy with his grandparents. Frank came to pick him up around 230ish, and from there, contractions ramped up and I was beginning to work really hard through each one. Trev was born at 737, so I would say from 1ish to 730, I was probably in active labor, with it truly beginning after Teddy was picked up.

One week later

Photos from a lifestyle newborn photography session with Natalie Broders, one week after birth.